It
is one of the strangest most annoying situations you will eventually find
yourself in, and there's nothing -and I mean absolutely nothing- you can do
about it.
Those
who moved on, those who changed, eventually there'll be this someone who you
still think of as your best (friend or whatever), but with the days passing by,
something just changes, something you can't lay your hands on, something you
can't describe or complain about, as if they suddenly decided to move on with
their lives away from you, while you're still there at the very same spot
waiting for them to come back, I’m talking about this situation when things
just get so cold.
“What could have possibly happened to them? Or is it
something suddenly became wrong with me?”
They
simply changed, you can't describe it exactly but...they're just not who they
used to be with you anymore, they used to worry about you if you just showed
any sort of sadness, now they don't, they just don't care, they used to
understand you when you’re angry, but now they don't as if you suddenly became
so boring and annoying.
When
you're held in such tough situation you feel restricted, there’s nothing you
can do about it, I mean how exactly can you react to such behavior? How can you
just go to someone and beg them to care a little about you like they used to
do? It's not like your granted right to be asking for, but it’s something
people do to each other because they just want to do it.
Anyone
knows that: in order to solve a problem you have to find the root causes, but
in this very specific case, you are rarely able to find any of the causes for
what has happened to them, it seems that they just dropped you off and that's
it! So you try to convince yourself that this is how life goes, but you remain
puzzled and you wish you could do anything to get that old friend you used to
have back.
And
then…you reach the worst state of all, turning into a beggar, someone poor
begging them for some of their care, the care they used to give to you. You beg
for some of their time, the time they once used to waste just talking to you to
make you feel better when you were sad. You turn and look to yourself and you feel
like you've lost all your dignity and pride, you now feel like a stalker who
just can't seem to get out of their life, like a little kid who just can't let
go of his mom’s hands, and this feeling of weakness is the worst of all...
"So I don't have enough dignity to just walk away
and move on like they did? Am I really this weak?” you ask yourself.
And
while you're busy wining about them and making a real idiot out of yourself,
you are never able to notice any of these people who're still there for you,
those who still have the desire to do anything that should make you feel
better, you just don’t see them.
Shouldn't
you just let go a bit like they did? Maybe it's time to start appreciating
those who still appreciate you, those new friends who suddenly popped into your
life. It's amazing how you can suddenly discover new great friends among the
people you've already known for a very long time, however that’s another story.
P.S.: I'm really sorry old friend for what I did to
you, only now I understand what you've been going through the time I stopped
caring about you, only now I realize that what’s being done to me now from
someone else is the same thing that I’ve put you through a long time ago, and
it just came back to me, “heaven’s justice” that’s what they call it.
Only now I understand your sad blaming look, only now I
can feel your pain.
Forgive me...
Andrew George
14-06-2010
