It hurts when things you thought were
constants in your life change, when you think that you've finally reached that
one thing that's supposed to be there for you from now until the day you die,
but eventually that same thing turns out to be just another stage in your life,
and you simply lose it for any reason.
Things like that make
you feel completely lost, because it seems to you that there's no solid ground
for you to stand on, no constants, everything's changing and running around you
while you just sit there starting at your life.
You look into
yourself in hope of finding that constant inside of you only to find out that
even you have changed a lot without even noticing, you remember who you were,
look at what you are now, and wonder how much you've changed! You just look at
yourself and think "This isn't who I used to be, these aren't my thoughts,
this isn't even my smile, oh God I’ve changed a lot!"
And you end up
finding out that you can't be your own constant.
Then you keep looking
for it, something that's not supposed to change with time, something that's
never meant to be lost, something for you to grab on, that while everything
else is changing it simply won't, and will just be there for you to hang on to,
something that does what an anchor does for the ship in storms.
Friendship?? Tell me
how many people in our lives we thought were our life companions and true
friends, and that they are the constant for us throughout our life journeys,
and after some time things changed? Either because of you or them that's not
the problem, the problem is that even those you thought were going to continue
being a constant throughout your life, turned out to be just another changing
variable!
It's a hard lesson
but it's the truth: even true friends come and go.
Love?? Love somehow
is just a manipulated version of friendship, if you make a comparison between
them both you'll simply end up thinking that they're the same thing because of
their similarities.
Again tell me...the last
time you were in love, didn't you think that things would last like this
forever? That he/she will just be there, always there, even if EVERYTHING else
in the world changes?
You sure did, but
alas, today you may think you found "The One" but then it turns out
to be it's not, and you find another one thinking that this is the real deal
this time, and again it's not! And in the end of each time, you remember the
"forever and ever" promises and just laugh.
So you learn one of
life's hardest lessons, even love changes, there's no "The One" for
you, it's just your mind trying to make up a constant to grab on to during the
storms.
People who commit
suicide mostly do it NOT because they lost a lover, friend, job, etc..., but
because they lost a constant, they lost the one thing that was binding them to
this life, and when they look around and can't find someone/something else to
grab on to, they just let go! Because at this very moment they feel that their
life is just pointless with everything changing and nothing staying the same.
It hurts, it hurts so much to realize that, I tried to ignore these thoughts but I couldn't so I thought maybe I should just let them out.
However, even if I
change, even if the people around me change, and even if the whole world changes,
I’ll just grab on to everything I still have for as long as I can, and I’ll
appreciate what I have for as long as it's there and even after it's gone, and I’ll
try as hard as I can to be a constant to everyone around me for as long as I’ll
live.
Andrew
George
26-05-2010
So that's why we grab on so hard to our memories: our old
childhood songs, cartoons, photo albums, everything. It's the only CONSTANT on
earth we know, the past simply will never be changed, it just remains the same
always.
You'll never listen to your old favorite childhood song to find that the lyrics have changed like everyone changes their words.
And that old stupid cartoon you used to watch, the good guys are always the good guys and the villain remains the villain, unlike life, where you find that the good guys turned out to be the villains and the villains were actually the good guys!
And finally...you'll never look at an old picture with you and your best friend whom you used to lean on, to find out that he decided to leave the photo!!
You'll never listen to your old favorite childhood song to find that the lyrics have changed like everyone changes their words.
And that old stupid cartoon you used to watch, the good guys are always the good guys and the villain remains the villain, unlike life, where you find that the good guys turned out to be the villains and the villains were actually the good guys!
And finally...you'll never look at an old picture with you and your best friend whom you used to lean on, to find out that he decided to leave the photo!!
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